Dear Abby: should shallow selfish people always get their way?
We finally managed to finagle a print copy of the Manhattan Mercury. It does exist! Yes it’s stuffed full of wire stories. Which means that Abigail Van Buren’s nationally syndicated advice column is in there right on A7. Just for shits and giggles we figured we’d take Abby’s questions and offer our own advice. Are we ever afraid to be servicey?
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Paul," and I have been dating for four years. He has recently started talking about purchasing an engagement ring for me. Paul is well-off, although very frugal, which is how he accumulated most of his wealth.
Paul has been searching online sites for a used ring. He says he "doesn’t want to waste his money on a new engagement ring when he can buy a used one." This from a man who didn’t think twice about spending thousands of dollars to buy his son a brand-new car or a brand-new boat for himself.
Am I wrong to feel I’m only worth a used engagement ring? This is the most precious gift he could give me — a sign of our love and commitment — and I would cherish it forever. I am deeply hurt and would appreciate your thoughts on how to pursue this issue. — FEELING "USED" IN PENNSYLVANIA
Well, USED: you and your sense of entitlement seem to be staking some sort of claim on this guy’s trust fund before you’re even married. Which, bloodsucker much? Meanwhile, he has a boat, so I hate you both.
Still: are you wrong? Yes. Why? Because.
Love & commitment = love & commitment. A ring = just some hunk of metal, and if you’re going to go on and on about it, making it out to represent some deep-seated anxiety regarding the state of your virginity or whatever, christ that’s irksome and petty, to say the least. Moreover, that you’d slide this subtle emotional blackmail into the mix — over a gift, the car, which he gave to his own flesh and blood – sorta makes me think you’ll be parasiting this whole sitch into an opposite marriage in no time flat. Did I mention I hate you both?
NEXT!
DEAR ABBY: How can my daughter broach the subject of her matron of honour’s "beard?" We’re not talking about a few hairs here, but a growth that would make some young men envious. The wedding is coming up soon, and the bride and groom are concerned how it will look in the wedding pictures, but they don’t want to hurt her feelings.
I, for one, have been taking quick swipes with my razor for years, and my whiskers haven’t grown back thicker or darker, and I only have to do it once or twice a week. Ladies, if unwanted facial hair embarrasses you, forget the myth that shaving will make it worse. You don’t have to lather up like a man at the sink, and no one has to know it but you. — BRIDE’S MOM, ST. LOUIS
Where did your mind go when you saw “beard” in scare quotes like that? But really, gosh, how awkward. I was given to understand that the matron of honour is usually someone pretty close to the bride? How close could these two be if one doesn’t feel comfortable sneaking into the other’s room, placing a sample-size Nair in an obvious place like on the pillow or atop the phone, then scampering down the hall amid stifled giggles? Wouldn’t that get the message across (Don’t tell me she’s ugly and dumb too)? Clearly this issue requires such delicate overtures of sensitivity and compassion just like that, which could only exist between the closest of friends. On a related note, who befriends ugly people? How could you raise a daughter with those kinds of values?
WOW this was cathartic.
slinkers btw
slinkyrie
slinkerdoodle
slinkyboneur
slinkthinker 2.5
robertlowelldunn
